The Griswolds Learn that Video Games are Important to Civilization

Day 9 - August 30, 2013

For our last day in a foreign speaking land, we planned to walk the fortifications of Old Québec and check out the highly recommended Musée de la Civilization. Thane and I woke up early so we could spend some Father/Son time together. After grabbing some chocolate croissants for breakfast (by this time we were addicted and worried about the withdrawals we would go through after leaving Québec), we headed to the walls.

Tourist aren't allowed near the walls without European shirts (in this case Danish)

Instead of taking the stairs like any normal solider, Thane insisted in walking straight up the steep hill to reach the top of the walls.

Tall building in background built in 1647

Once at the top, the views were incomparable. On the land side of the walls, the Plains of Abraham Lincoln spread out like huge tracts of land. In 1759, the English and French decided that fighting in Europe wasn't enough and duked it out on the Plains for control of the New World. Historians agree that the French commander, the Marquise de Montcalm (who despite his name was anything but calm when the British scaled the heights of Québec), made a major tactical blunder when he decided to leave the protection of the walled city and meet the British on the Plains of Abraham Lincoln. As Monty Python and the Holy Grail taught historians two hundred years later, Montcalm would have caused the English to run away had he just stayed behind the walls and hurled witty taunts and livestock at them. Instead, he and over 600 hundred of his fellow countrymen met their maker on the battlefield as the French were defeated. And as we all know, this allowed the English to continue on their quest for the Holy Grail.

Behind Thane are the Plains of Abraham. Notice the tower in the background, which wasn't helpful to the French in defending Québec because they accidentally built it outside the city's wall.

Recently discovered footage of English General James Wolfe arriving at the walls of Québec on that fateful day of September 13, 1759.

Perched high upon the Cap Diamant promontory, the views from the city walls facing the Saint Lawrence River were also stunning. Cap Diamant (Cape Diamond in English), was named by Jacques Cartier when he thought he found diamonds there in 1542. Upon returning to France with the precious stones, experts determined the rocks were actually worthless quartz. Thus, to this day, every 1542th diamond sold by Cartier Jewelers is actually quartz. Woe for those who get duped into buying that stone.

Look carefully and you can see an exact replica of the 18th century English cruise ship that carried General Wolfe's troops to Québec. The ship was commanded by an ancestor of Gavin MacLeod

The French made another catastrophic mistake when they provided benches for the English to rest on before assaulting the city's walls

Done with our tour of the walls, we headed down to the lower town to the much talked about Musée de la Civilization. Because of the museum's name, all of humanity's most important achievements are on display. Inside was a superb history of Québec from its beginnings to the present; Paris during the Belle Époque era; and then of course a display on civilizations most important achievement - video games.

This exhibit was probably one of Thane's highlights of the trip. On display were early video games such as Pong, which was excavated from a 5,000 year old site in Mesopotamia, to more recent and socially redeeming games such as Grand Theft Auto III.

Pong - a game in which the player violently engages in car-jackings and misogynist behavior.

Much more stimulating than Angry Birds

Because American children learn how to shoot guns within minutes of coming out of the womb, they  are instinctively drawn to anything with guns. Thus, the Canadian Secret Police use this video game to attract American spies.

It appears the Emily has her mother's lead foot

Assassin's Creed - Civilization reaches its highest form

After seeing the museum, we wanted some food that symbolized Québec's French roots. So Thane and I dined at a place that is close to France as you can get this side of the North Atlantic.

Julia Child's most famous dish

After lunch, Thane got some alone time at the apartment while the gals and I headed back to the old town. Because Emily was tired of being constantly heckled by the Québecois for looking like a tourist, she decided to go shopping for some new local themed threads.

Une vrai Québécoise

A 21st Century Québécoise

The gals have a long laugh after pulling the wool over the Canadians with Emily's clever disguises

Meanwhile, Nastassja and I bummed around the old town buying some last minute souvenirs. Nastassja particularly enjoyed the bookstores in which she perused the French language books. We also spotted several important cultural symbols. We spied the fleur-de-lis, long a symbol of the French. The three petals represent the medieval social classes: those who ate snails and frogs, those who were rude and arrogant, and those who wore berets and carried a baguette around with them everywhere.

The fleur-de-lis sign, required to be posted outside every house

No fashionable French woman would be seen in public without wearing a boat hat

Cannons lined up in case those damn Brits try to invade again

The largest putting green in the world

Emily attempting to cheer Nastassja up after a grueling afternoon of souvenir shopping

After the trials and tribulations of playing Pong, medieval clothes shopping, and scouting for fleur-de-lis, the family all rendezvoused at the Cafe St. Malo for a meal of steak frites and chocolate and cheesecake deserts.

Our time in Québec was over, but will always be with us

We all went to sleep that night dreaming of the blissful 1,258 miles on the road back to Madison that awaited us over the next two days.

The Griswolds Fall Over the Québec Countryside

Day 8 - August 29, 2013

Nastassja and I started out the morning by walking down to the local boulangerie (actually there are three within a block of our apartment - very Parisian). The woman at the boulangerie spoke very little English (and actually apologized for her limited English) but was able to tell me that if I bought at least six chocolate croissants, we wouldn't have to pay any tax. And tax in Québec is about 15% so that was a good deal. We can always eat more chocolate croissants. I have to say that the croissants were the best ones I've had outside of Paris - very flaky and buttery, with lots of chocolate inside. So much so that we got them all three mornings in Québec.

Nastassja insisted upon taking a photo of the deserts at the local patisserie / boulangerie. 

Because of Becky's roots as a rural farmgirl, we wanted to see the pastoral side of Québec. So after finishing our croissants, we loaded into the van and headed to the countryside.  First stop was Montmorency Falls - only a fifteen minute drive from old Québec. Upon arrival at the falls (or chute in French), we decided that the menfolk would do the manly thing and head to the top of the falls by the Staircase of Doom, while the womenfolk would take the cable car to the top.

The Menfolk preparing to climb the Staircase of Doom  (in the rear to the right) knowing that few return from such a dangerous adventure.

Notice that there are no water or food stations on the staircase to fortify the hardy few who risk their lives making the climb.

While the Menfolk risked their lives, the womenfolk ate bon bons and enjoyed the view from the cable car.

After a luxurious cable ride to the top, the girls show no concern that the menfolk could have been plunging to the their death at any moment climbing the stairs.

The girls in the middle taunting the menfolk as they climb the stairs.

Despite the incredible risks, the menfolk made it to the top. This allowed for some very nice photo ops in front of the falls, which are almost 100 feet higher than Niagara Falls.

Not wanting to appear like tourists, the girls ate maple leaf shaped suckers.

Clearly not a tourist.

Unbelievably original video taken of the falls.

After the near-death experience of the falls, we decided we needed to get back in touch with our spiritual side, so we headed to the nearest medieval European cathedral rip-off. Just up the road, we ran into the Basilica of Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupré, which many say has healed people with sicknesses and disabilities. But first, we required a hearty meal after such a strenuous morning of eating chocolate croissants and maple leaf shaped candy. We decided upon the hostel across the street from the basilica with the fantastically original name of Auberge de la Basilique. 

A promising exterior for our déjeuner.

Once inside, we immediately recognized that we had made a major culinary faux pas. The restaurant looked like a school cafeteria. And the food was just as insipid. Thane had plain spaghetti that he later claimed gave him gastrointestinal problems. Nastassja had two grilled cheese sandwiches that were lifeless. Emily had the chicken fingers, which were probably the only edible items we ordered - but hardly the french cuisine we had come to expect in Québec. Becky and I had the jambon on a croissant.  The jambon was so bad that even Javier Bardem in Jambon Jambon would have been disappointed.

School lunch started a week early for the kids.

A lunch so bad that the Michelin tire guy would have given it zero stars.

After the thoroughly unsatisfying meal, Nastassja complained that her stomach was hurting and Emily was suffering from general malaise. And then like a lightbulb, we came up with the solution. The miracle healing powers of the Basilica of Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupré!

Is her cure only a few steps away?

Can the cathedral help?

We entered the cathedral, which despite it's appearance is only about 80 years old. After a few moments solemn moments we came upon all the of the canes, crutches, and other medical devices donated by people supposedly cured by the basilica and waited to see whether the children would be feeling like they could tackle an adventure like Mont Royal again.

Nastassja pronounced her stomach fit as a fiddle and ready to tackle some more French culinary delights such as head cheese, bone marrow, and blood sausage.

Unfortunately, the miraculous healing powers had no effect upon Emily.

Done with the cathedral, we do what every good tourist does after seeing a Catholic shrine. We headed for the tacky religious souvenir shops. For example, when Becky and I were in Fatima, Portugal (a site where three children claimed to have see the Virgin Mary in 1917), we brought back Peggy a pair of Virgin Mary toe nail clippers (Thane informed me that he uses them on occasion so they have both spiritual and physical value). Unfortunately, the souvenir shops in St. Anne-de-Beaupré did not have the quantity nor the quality of tack that Fatima had. Natassja was able to find some "oil of recovery" for her mother (Peggy), which Thane declared was probably ordinary cooking oil.

Done with the Basilica, we headed further east to the site of Indiana Jones' first adventure - Canyon St. Anne. It may be the only spot in the world in which Henry David Thoreau and John Travolta have a common history. Thoreau claimed it was one of his favorite spots to visit - much better than any old pond - and Travolta declared it more exciting than 2001 Odyssey when he filmed Battlefield Earth (his finest work since Perfect) at the canyon. 

Upon hearing that John Travolta filmed a movie here, Emily shows off her Saturday Night Fever dance steps.

As we began to hike towards the canyon, we immediately encountered wildlife native to the region.

Dancing with a bear apparently cures Emily's malaise much better than an old basilica.

Medusa - indigenous to the St. Lawrence Lowlands.

Bullwinkle would not be proud.

The Griswolds have cometh!

Done with the animals, we headed for the canyon proper. You could hear the roar of the falls as you approached so that wetted our anticipation. There are three suspension bridges that cross the falls (hence, the earlier Indiana Jones reference). The first gave us no fear. The second was terrifyingly high and unsteady. The third wasn't as high but even more unsteady than the second.

Certainly better than a lame pond.

Nastassja sure looks tiny up there.

Nastassja sure looks tiny down there.

What is your quest?

Done with the great outdoors and having satisfied Becky's bucolic needs, we headed back into Québec. We split up for dinner, with Thane and I eating at a French place. The highlight of our dinner was sharing a cheese plate with lots of strong tasting Québecois cheeses. After dinner, I took Thane back to our apartment as he did not want to see the one and only Cirque du Soleil. 

Because Cirque du Soleil started in nearby Baie-Saint-Paul and because they are all around good fellows, they perform a free nightly show near the waterfront in Québec during the summer. I had always been a doubter, but after seeing this show, I found Cirque du Soleil to be one of the best shows I have ever seen. The show was almost entirely in French, which added to the exoticness of the evening. And our seats (or more correctly where we were standing) were right next to the stage. Nastassja and Emily were as wowed as we were, making the show one of the highlights of our trip.

Emily obviously is disappointed with the show. 

I can't wait to try this one out at home.

At the end of the evening, we all fell asleep dreaming of daredevil canyons and circus stunts.