A Sunday in Milwaukee

Doors Open Milwaukee - September 22, 2013

Once a year, Milwaukee allows free public access to over 100  historic buildings through its Doors Open Milwaukee event. Although I'm not a big fan of Milwaukee, downtown has lots of cool and historic buildings. We made the 80 minute drive and arrived at the City Hall around 11 am. 

When built in 1895, it was the tallest inhabitable building in the United States (who knew?) and the second tallest building behind the Washington Monument. Architecturally, the building resembles buildings one would find in Brugge. After the building was completed, Frederick Pabst asked "It's a fairytale town, isn't it? How's a fairytale town not somebody's fucking thing?" when he overheard a visitor to Milwaukee dissing the City Hall because it wasn't built in a modern style.

Upon arrival, we climbed the eight floors for a beautiful view of the atrium.

A view from the top of City Hall - only lacking swans to make it somebody's fucking thing.

Looking up inside City Hall - almost as cool as Brugge

Next up, we headed around the corner and east on Wisconsin Avenue to the Pfister Hotel. Reputedly, Milwaukee's fanciest hotel, I thought it was so-so. Nice lobby but drab Victorian art (supposedly the largest collection of Victorian art in any hotel in the world - but that begs the question - so what? - considering how drab Victorian art is). On top of this 1893 Romanesque Revival building is an awful 1960s circular tower. Appalling is the only word for the tower.

We did have one odd moment while outside the Pfister - several teenage boys with baseball card collections were lurking outside the entrance when a 40 something man with slicked hair arrived and began giving autographs. One of the baseball card boys informed us that this apparent celebrity was Mike Matheny - manager of the St. Louis Cardinals. After completing his autograph ritual, Matheny drove away in a beat-up minivan bearing Illinois license plates. I guess being manager of a big-league baseball team isn't all that it's cracked up to be.

Matheny contemplating how quickly he can make a getaway in his hot-rod mini-van

We wandered further east down Wisconsin Avenue to Milwaukee's most famous building that no one has ever heard of - the Wisconsin Gas Building. Better known to the few souls who have heard of it as the Gaslight Building, it was constructed in 1930. The 20 story Art Deco building originally had an open flame at the top, upon which passerbys could forecast the weather thru the color of the burning gas. Removed at the request of the fire department shortly after it was constructed, it was later replaced by a neon flame. 

Upon spotting the neon flame in 1956, Ingrid Bergman swore that she remembered a gas lit flame at the top and began to doubt her own sanity. After a 10 minute wait turned into 20 minutes to see the observation deck, we too began to doubt our own sanity. 

A view from the Gas Light building. Notice the monstrosity that is the cylindrical tower add-on to the Pfister Hotel in the background. Was the architech attempting to gas light people by claiming the tower was build in a Romanesque Style?

Angela Lansbury wannabe at the top of the Gas Light Building

A brilliant view of Milwaukee's Art Museum from the top of the Gas Light Building. Designed by noted Spanish architect, Santiago Calatrava, the museum originally was going to be the backdrop for the opening sequence of Laverne & Shirley; the gals would sing "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, Santiago! Calatrava! Quadracci! Incorporated" while skipping by the building. However, the network changed plans after that opening was deemed too esoteric for the test audience of slightly dimwitted beer drinkers.

After the Gas Light Building, we moved another block east to Wisconsin's tallest building, the cleverly named U.S. Bank Center. Standing at an amazing 42 stories, people from Chicago, New York, Hong Kong, and Dubai marvel at the audacity of constructing a building of such a towering height. 

Once in the building, the process at getting to the top was anything but clear. Apparently, the only elevator to the observation is a freight elevator tucked away in a little known corner. And then once at the top, we had to navigate our way through an industrial area that contained many of the buildings mechanicals. Although we found the views of Milwaukee spectacular, large swaths were blocked by the exterior U.S. Bank sign. Nice.

Brilliantly designed observation deck on top of the U.S. Bank Center allowing one a birds-eye view Milwaukee's most appealing neighborhood.

Done with the not-really so tall buildings for the moment, we headed north towards the Humphrey Scottish Rite Masonic Center hoping to see a real-life view of the Kubrick film Eyes Wide Shut. When we arrived, a man wearing a funny costume insisted that we ride the elevator instead of taking the stairs. Another man dressed like the Grand Poobah subjected us to a lecture on George Washington's face, the history of banking, and the origins of the Statue of Liberty. But enough with the lectures, we wanted to see where the Eyes Wide Shut action went down so we wandered around the complex and found some very strange stuff indeed. 

Deep in the heart of the building we found a row of barbers chairs.

One can only imagine what these are used for

And then we happened upon this bizarre sign:

I don't remember Kubrick requiring wrist watches and eye glasses to be removed during the making of Eyes Wide Shut

Finally, we found the costumes for the double secret probation ceremony.

Are these costumes more Animal House than Eyes Wide Shut?

All that secret ceremony stuff made as really hungry, so it was time to find lunch. On our way, we were held up by two things that made Milwaukee famous. First was the Fonz.

A pose no tourist has ever taken

Second, was the Wells Street Bridge across the Milwaukee River. A vertical lift bridge, we saw it in operation as a boat passed under. Instead of swinging upwards and towards the shore like the common drawbridge (technically called a bascule bridge), the vertical lift bridge lifts straight upwards when in use. The Wells Street Bridge was built in this style because the designer was unhappy with the French influence upon Milwaukee (the city's most famous university was named after the French explorer and early basketball pioneer Jacques Marquette) and didn't want a French named bridge (bascule is the French term for seesaw and balance).

After perusing the German themed restaurants on North Old World Third Street, we dined at Maders - supposedly North America's most famous German restaurant. Mader's past diners included John F. Kennedy, Gerald Ford, and Ronald Reagan. Some say that President Ford tripped on the carpet of Mader's after eating a hearty meal of bloodwurst, pig ankles, and Schwarzauer (a German stew made of goose giblets, vinegar, and peppercorns), prompting the Secret Service to order Mader's to remove its nice German shag carpet when President Reagan visited several years later.

Because the Sunday afternoon lunch prices were exorbitant, we ordered french onion soup, a plate of spatzle, and of course a cheese and sausage plate. Other than the pretzel bread that was served before the meal, the food was pretty bland and boring. But again, it was German food.

Mader's - Invented Lunchables 

Custom made chair for Chris Farley when he dined at Maders

After finishing our $35 Lunchables meal, we toured the the Moderne, Milwaukee's (and hence, Wisconsin's) tallest building west of the river. Unfortunately, the characterless apartment we toured did not match the snazzy exterior of the building.

As we ambled down Juneau Avenue towards Lake Michigan,  we visited several churches and cathedrals, which Milwaukee is not lacking for. We also paid a brief stop to the Valentin Blatz Brewing Company Office Building, now part of the Milwaukee School of Engineering. We were lucky enough the see the original Blatz vault, which kept Pabst and Schlitz from stealing the recipe for its truly insipid beer. 

Finally, we found ourselves at the Astor Hotel, a grand apartment / hotel built in the 1920s. The hotel retained its original wonderful lobby, with the traditional mailboxes behind the reception. Unfortunately, the rooms we toured looked like they were furnished in the 1970s and the beautiful ballroom smelled of mold. 

Michelle Obama's shoe inside the Astor's bar

Done with touring the buildings, we wanted to get a latte before we headed back to Madison. And here's why I don't particularly care for Milwaukee - it was around 5:30 pm on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon and no one was out and about in downtown Milwaukee. And except for a few bars, there was nothing open either. No local coffee shops. Not even a Starbucks. I don't get it - downtown Milwaukee is denser than Madison with all the hi-rise apartments and condos and yet not a soul was to be seen. What were all the people that ostensibly live there doing? Contrast that to downtown Madison, or Williamson and Monroe streets - and lots of coffee shops and other businesses would be open with people milling around on the sidewalks.

We ended up walking all the way to the Milwaukee Public Market in the Third Ward in order to find a cup of coffee. And even the Public Market was going to close at 6 pm.

And there you have, our day in Milwaukee.

The Griswolds Learn that Video Games are Important to Civilization

Day 9 - August 30, 2013

For our last day in a foreign speaking land, we planned to walk the fortifications of Old Québec and check out the highly recommended Musée de la Civilization. Thane and I woke up early so we could spend some Father/Son time together. After grabbing some chocolate croissants for breakfast (by this time we were addicted and worried about the withdrawals we would go through after leaving Québec), we headed to the walls.

Tourist aren't allowed near the walls without European shirts (in this case Danish)

Instead of taking the stairs like any normal solider, Thane insisted in walking straight up the steep hill to reach the top of the walls.

Tall building in background built in 1647

Once at the top, the views were incomparable. On the land side of the walls, the Plains of Abraham Lincoln spread out like huge tracts of land. In 1759, the English and French decided that fighting in Europe wasn't enough and duked it out on the Plains for control of the New World. Historians agree that the French commander, the Marquise de Montcalm (who despite his name was anything but calm when the British scaled the heights of Québec), made a major tactical blunder when he decided to leave the protection of the walled city and meet the British on the Plains of Abraham Lincoln. As Monty Python and the Holy Grail taught historians two hundred years later, Montcalm would have caused the English to run away had he just stayed behind the walls and hurled witty taunts and livestock at them. Instead, he and over 600 hundred of his fellow countrymen met their maker on the battlefield as the French were defeated. And as we all know, this allowed the English to continue on their quest for the Holy Grail.

Behind Thane are the Plains of Abraham. Notice the tower in the background, which wasn't helpful to the French in defending Québec because they accidentally built it outside the city's wall.

Recently discovered footage of English General James Wolfe arriving at the walls of Québec on that fateful day of September 13, 1759.

Perched high upon the Cap Diamant promontory, the views from the city walls facing the Saint Lawrence River were also stunning. Cap Diamant (Cape Diamond in English), was named by Jacques Cartier when he thought he found diamonds there in 1542. Upon returning to France with the precious stones, experts determined the rocks were actually worthless quartz. Thus, to this day, every 1542th diamond sold by Cartier Jewelers is actually quartz. Woe for those who get duped into buying that stone.

Look carefully and you can see an exact replica of the 18th century English cruise ship that carried General Wolfe's troops to Québec. The ship was commanded by an ancestor of Gavin MacLeod

The French made another catastrophic mistake when they provided benches for the English to rest on before assaulting the city's walls

Done with our tour of the walls, we headed down to the lower town to the much talked about Musée de la Civilization. Because of the museum's name, all of humanity's most important achievements are on display. Inside was a superb history of Québec from its beginnings to the present; Paris during the Belle Époque era; and then of course a display on civilizations most important achievement - video games.

This exhibit was probably one of Thane's highlights of the trip. On display were early video games such as Pong, which was excavated from a 5,000 year old site in Mesopotamia, to more recent and socially redeeming games such as Grand Theft Auto III.

Pong - a game in which the player violently engages in car-jackings and misogynist behavior.

Much more stimulating than Angry Birds

Because American children learn how to shoot guns within minutes of coming out of the womb, they  are instinctively drawn to anything with guns. Thus, the Canadian Secret Police use this video game to attract American spies.

It appears the Emily has her mother's lead foot

Assassin's Creed - Civilization reaches its highest form

After seeing the museum, we wanted some food that symbolized Québec's French roots. So Thane and I dined at a place that is close to France as you can get this side of the North Atlantic.

Julia Child's most famous dish

After lunch, Thane got some alone time at the apartment while the gals and I headed back to the old town. Because Emily was tired of being constantly heckled by the Québecois for looking like a tourist, she decided to go shopping for some new local themed threads.

Une vrai Québécoise

A 21st Century Québécoise

The gals have a long laugh after pulling the wool over the Canadians with Emily's clever disguises

Meanwhile, Nastassja and I bummed around the old town buying some last minute souvenirs. Nastassja particularly enjoyed the bookstores in which she perused the French language books. We also spotted several important cultural symbols. We spied the fleur-de-lis, long a symbol of the French. The three petals represent the medieval social classes: those who ate snails and frogs, those who were rude and arrogant, and those who wore berets and carried a baguette around with them everywhere.

The fleur-de-lis sign, required to be posted outside every house

No fashionable French woman would be seen in public without wearing a boat hat

Cannons lined up in case those damn Brits try to invade again

The largest putting green in the world

Emily attempting to cheer Nastassja up after a grueling afternoon of souvenir shopping

After the trials and tribulations of playing Pong, medieval clothes shopping, and scouting for fleur-de-lis, the family all rendezvoused at the Cafe St. Malo for a meal of steak frites and chocolate and cheesecake deserts.

Our time in Québec was over, but will always be with us

We all went to sleep that night dreaming of the blissful 1,258 miles on the road back to Madison that awaited us over the next two days.

The Griswolds Fall Over the Québec Countryside

Day 8 - August 29, 2013

Nastassja and I started out the morning by walking down to the local boulangerie (actually there are three within a block of our apartment - very Parisian). The woman at the boulangerie spoke very little English (and actually apologized for her limited English) but was able to tell me that if I bought at least six chocolate croissants, we wouldn't have to pay any tax. And tax in Québec is about 15% so that was a good deal. We can always eat more chocolate croissants. I have to say that the croissants were the best ones I've had outside of Paris - very flaky and buttery, with lots of chocolate inside. So much so that we got them all three mornings in Québec.

Nastassja insisted upon taking a photo of the deserts at the local patisserie / boulangerie. 

Because of Becky's roots as a rural farmgirl, we wanted to see the pastoral side of Québec. So after finishing our croissants, we loaded into the van and headed to the countryside.  First stop was Montmorency Falls - only a fifteen minute drive from old Québec. Upon arrival at the falls (or chute in French), we decided that the menfolk would do the manly thing and head to the top of the falls by the Staircase of Doom, while the womenfolk would take the cable car to the top.

The Menfolk preparing to climb the Staircase of Doom  (in the rear to the right) knowing that few return from such a dangerous adventure.

Notice that there are no water or food stations on the staircase to fortify the hardy few who risk their lives making the climb.

While the Menfolk risked their lives, the womenfolk ate bon bons and enjoyed the view from the cable car.

After a luxurious cable ride to the top, the girls show no concern that the menfolk could have been plunging to the their death at any moment climbing the stairs.

The girls in the middle taunting the menfolk as they climb the stairs.

Despite the incredible risks, the menfolk made it to the top. This allowed for some very nice photo ops in front of the falls, which are almost 100 feet higher than Niagara Falls.

Not wanting to appear like tourists, the girls ate maple leaf shaped suckers.

Clearly not a tourist.

Unbelievably original video taken of the falls.

After the near-death experience of the falls, we decided we needed to get back in touch with our spiritual side, so we headed to the nearest medieval European cathedral rip-off. Just up the road, we ran into the Basilica of Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupré, which many say has healed people with sicknesses and disabilities. But first, we required a hearty meal after such a strenuous morning of eating chocolate croissants and maple leaf shaped candy. We decided upon the hostel across the street from the basilica with the fantastically original name of Auberge de la Basilique. 

A promising exterior for our déjeuner.

Once inside, we immediately recognized that we had made a major culinary faux pas. The restaurant looked like a school cafeteria. And the food was just as insipid. Thane had plain spaghetti that he later claimed gave him gastrointestinal problems. Nastassja had two grilled cheese sandwiches that were lifeless. Emily had the chicken fingers, which were probably the only edible items we ordered - but hardly the french cuisine we had come to expect in Québec. Becky and I had the jambon on a croissant.  The jambon was so bad that even Javier Bardem in Jambon Jambon would have been disappointed.

School lunch started a week early for the kids.

A lunch so bad that the Michelin tire guy would have given it zero stars.

After the thoroughly unsatisfying meal, Nastassja complained that her stomach was hurting and Emily was suffering from general malaise. And then like a lightbulb, we came up with the solution. The miracle healing powers of the Basilica of Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupré!

Is her cure only a few steps away?

Can the cathedral help?

We entered the cathedral, which despite it's appearance is only about 80 years old. After a few moments solemn moments we came upon all the of the canes, crutches, and other medical devices donated by people supposedly cured by the basilica and waited to see whether the children would be feeling like they could tackle an adventure like Mont Royal again.

Nastassja pronounced her stomach fit as a fiddle and ready to tackle some more French culinary delights such as head cheese, bone marrow, and blood sausage.

Unfortunately, the miraculous healing powers had no effect upon Emily.

Done with the cathedral, we do what every good tourist does after seeing a Catholic shrine. We headed for the tacky religious souvenir shops. For example, when Becky and I were in Fatima, Portugal (a site where three children claimed to have see the Virgin Mary in 1917), we brought back Peggy a pair of Virgin Mary toe nail clippers (Thane informed me that he uses them on occasion so they have both spiritual and physical value). Unfortunately, the souvenir shops in St. Anne-de-Beaupré did not have the quantity nor the quality of tack that Fatima had. Natassja was able to find some "oil of recovery" for her mother (Peggy), which Thane declared was probably ordinary cooking oil.

Done with the Basilica, we headed further east to the site of Indiana Jones' first adventure - Canyon St. Anne. It may be the only spot in the world in which Henry David Thoreau and John Travolta have a common history. Thoreau claimed it was one of his favorite spots to visit - much better than any old pond - and Travolta declared it more exciting than 2001 Odyssey when he filmed Battlefield Earth (his finest work since Perfect) at the canyon. 

Upon hearing that John Travolta filmed a movie here, Emily shows off her Saturday Night Fever dance steps.

As we began to hike towards the canyon, we immediately encountered wildlife native to the region.

Dancing with a bear apparently cures Emily's malaise much better than an old basilica.

Medusa - indigenous to the St. Lawrence Lowlands.

Bullwinkle would not be proud.

The Griswolds have cometh!

Done with the animals, we headed for the canyon proper. You could hear the roar of the falls as you approached so that wetted our anticipation. There are three suspension bridges that cross the falls (hence, the earlier Indiana Jones reference). The first gave us no fear. The second was terrifyingly high and unsteady. The third wasn't as high but even more unsteady than the second.

Certainly better than a lame pond.

Nastassja sure looks tiny up there.

Nastassja sure looks tiny down there.

What is your quest?

Done with the great outdoors and having satisfied Becky's bucolic needs, we headed back into Québec. We split up for dinner, with Thane and I eating at a French place. The highlight of our dinner was sharing a cheese plate with lots of strong tasting Québecois cheeses. After dinner, I took Thane back to our apartment as he did not want to see the one and only Cirque du Soleil. 

Because Cirque du Soleil started in nearby Baie-Saint-Paul and because they are all around good fellows, they perform a free nightly show near the waterfront in Québec during the summer. I had always been a doubter, but after seeing this show, I found Cirque du Soleil to be one of the best shows I have ever seen. The show was almost entirely in French, which added to the exoticness of the evening. And our seats (or more correctly where we were standing) were right next to the stage. Nastassja and Emily were as wowed as we were, making the show one of the highlights of our trip.

Emily obviously is disappointed with the show. 

I can't wait to try this one out at home.

At the end of the evening, we all fell asleep dreaming of daredevil canyons and circus stunts.